the spotless mind.

Fate chosen?

2005-12-10T19:26:00.001-08:00

I don't think I dare to discuss the profound of life that even the greatest minds couldn't answer in this particular entry. But I can't help but wonder sometimes, the idea of Fate.

Today's paper was a bit of a shock. I know it's rather ironic to say that any given day's paper should be "less" or "more" shocking than others. Perhaps I'd attribute that to the fact that most people, including myself, are insensitive to what the heck is going on anymore, hence the phenomenon of what I hereby proclaim as shocking. It's great what this powerful tool of mankind flow of ideas known as Media can do for us all sometimes. With the power to question and report comes the reflective power to choose what to care for. Perhaps I'm just pissed that there's so much crap mixed into what is and should be the true and pure and holistic form of communication that I'm getting skeptical and sick of reading the papers. Perhaps I feel disgusted at myself for being so selective to which pieces I find more shocking than others now. Perhaps I'm finding my critical mind is getting the better of me. Either way, what I read today leaves me with a deep feeling of sadness that makes me question myself for not feeling the same sadness for other bits of news that should deserve the same amount of, well, humanitarian respect.

So the paper was shocking today.

What made front page on this particular quiet morning was the suicide of three people. The boy, the youngest and only son of this family, was a bright one. He was due to receive the honours to 3 of the most distinguished subjects at his school. Oh, did I mention that he was only 16?
The girl came from a dysfunctional family, but owed it to herself to do well so that she wouldn't be looked down upon, also showed herself to be respectable in her academics. She did very well in school and seemed like a responsible person. Did I mention she was only 17, and pregnant?
Needless to say, the two were in love, and the third was quite innocent. The three ended their lives.

The papers portrayed them both as good people. They had good grades, and were responsible children because of this. In other words, it may seem they should be valued by our society because of their potential future. Funny how the two of them didn't see it that way. It didn't occur to me that the grades or future mattered to them when they did what they did. I'll bet that's not what crossed their minds.
When I read this special report I wondered whether or not society had sealed their fate and caused the chain of events to happen the way it did. I wondered whether or not the boy's parents pressured him because he was such a great student, to forget about love and pursue academia first. I wondered if the parents saw the girl as being a potential shadow in the boy's life because of her past from a dysfunctional family. Or did they have these preconceived ways of thinking because that is what society had planted in our minds long before we were even born? Why did they disagree? There are probably a million of reasons that I don't understand, but I wonder whether or not people have the power to change their thinking sometimes, in this case for better. The paradigm of our modern developed society isn't as open and wide as we may think it is sometimes. Perhaps their relationship together wasn't the most responsible one, or even an appropriate one. But who are we to prejudge anyone? Because now that they're dead, it really ends anything and everything that could be worked out. It probably took the boy's whole 3 sisters mom and dad to try to persuade him to stop seeing this girl, but it only takes one person to listen to him and that may have stopped the inevitable.

I just wonder.

Let me IN

2005-11-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

This is the second post I've written in as many days. Whoa, I'm on a roll!

So recently I got this email from my accountant that Canada doesn't have a record of when I entered the country back in 1998. I don't know if this is information I should be talking about so lightly (the gesture is done through blogging), or whether I should be scared. I just hope I can enter the country when I go back this Christmas. It would suck if my brother's child would have to come to immigration prison cell number 13 (do they have those?) to visit the uncle for the first time. Great impression.

Speaking of which...All this reminds me of a story a friend told me when I was in Beijing last christmas. Apparently, the country is tight about their people leaving for a reason. Yeah, they actually have a reason. Whether or not it's self inflicted or justified, that's for you to decide.

Anyway, so this friend was talking to me about nothing interesting until we started talking about other countries. Being a lover of travelling, I told this friend that I've been to several different places around the world in my life. Bali, Tokyo and so on...This friend proceeds to tell me they aren't allowed to go anywhere and China is tight about it. I said I figured, but didn't know why. Apparently, EVERYONE wants to go on holiday in China. Especially to places like Japan, South Korea, and other free worlds. The tourguides get it tough though. Typically if they take a tour of 40 people there, they lose all 40. Yeah.
So, a tourguide takes a bunch of people to korea. It's a stressful thing to be a mainland chinese overseas tourguide because of the rate people get "lost". So this tourguide checks the people into some crummy hotel the night they arrive and sits on guard next to the lifts all night to make sure nobody gets lost. He pulls an all nighter, and nobody comes down. Morning comes and he joyfully awaits them to come down. 10, 20, 30 minutes pass and nobody comes. So he runs upstairs to find that the entire tour group had climbed down from a broken window the night before using ALL their clothes and undies to make a rope.
Moral of the story? Let's say some work needs to be done in making life better before people stop wanting to get lost once they step on foreign land.

Maybe I'll have to find a way to break out of custody and into Canadian soil too.

i'm back

2005-11-13T22:58:00.000-08:00

I'm The Terminator who kept his promise.

yay. So I'm back.

Does anybody ever go onto their blogs and sit there wondering for just a moment if there's anything to write about? I do that. In fact, I've done that several times during my long absent from all this. So after this long, I've concluded that I still don't really have anything to write about so I'm going to be mundane and tell everybody about nothing.

Why don't I begin this wonderous occasion with another top 10. This time, let's explore the 10 things I hate about....YOU (just kidding)

here we go:

10. B.O: I sat next to this guy on the mini bus the other day and he reaked. I wanted to puke so bad. Maybe it was a combination of bad driving and his smell..but it aint pretty. It was just smelly.

9. Not having money on me: it's just a feeling. It's not that money is all that important, but having it *does* make me feel safer.

8. Bad jokes: The other night, I went out for dinner with some church friends. One guy cracks a joke about californian girls. He said "There are 10 girls from california and 9 of them are hot but the last one goes to Stanford." very funny punk. my gf went to Stanford, dumba**.

7. Little 7 year old farts: Man, I think I've smelled some real bean salads.

6. Little 7 year old boy dancing on the desk: Not exactly something I like to see, but I assure you it happens. It's rather disgusting, really.

5.. Mong Kok saturday nights: If you're not from Hong Kong, or if you've never visited I don't think you'd ever understand. Bliss-filled Canadians and Americans will never know what's it's like on a saturday evening in Mong Kok's Sai Yeung Choi St. Let's just say sardines in a can?

4. Flying cockroaches: Ever had one fly into your face? Yeah, it's not very nice.

3. Mess: I have concluded that I'm slightly obesessive - compulsive. I really get kinda uncomfortable when things are dirty, out of place or just a plain mess. I simply cannot take messy people or messy desks. It really gets to me after awhile. I don't wanna be a male Monica. The thought makes me shudder *chill*

2. Intruders: Maybe this is my introvert side, but I really don't like people (mainly family) coming into my "personal space". I feel really intruded and violated for some odd reason. This has somehow projected itself at work too. I really need to stop it.

1. anal retentive people: Ever met one? Kinda nasty with a long after taste.

au revoir for now folks.

I am...Political

2005-10-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

You are a
Social Conservative
(31% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(25% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Totalitarian

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

At least I'm closer to the Pope than Darth Vader in the famous people section.

random thoughts.

2005-10-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

I managed to watch like 5 movies this weekend. Ugh, I'm amazed at how productive I am haha. Seven Swords had finally come out and I bought the DVD on friday. Seeing a movie again always brings a nice after taste, but I really thought this one was more suitable in the big screens. Especially the crazy "ching ching" sword sounds martial arts films are so familiar with. I thought the fight scenes could've been more authentic (think Jet Li "Once Upon a time in China" times) . The plot of the movie kinda reminded me of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. I think I really dig the whole awesome martial masters being one team thing though. It was overall entertaining.

This whole week is obeservations week at school and all teachers are asked to employ an open door policy. We are supposed to be "welcoming" to others coming into our classrooms, but I'm pretty sure most teachers are going to take the piss if you walked in. I felt the atmosphere of death this morning in the staffroom. People had that look... the "come in to my room and DIE" look.

Ladies look so pretty when they have that look on.

So as I was minding my own business, I thought about who I wanted to visit today. I finally decided that I'd go to the ones I can learn the most from. I went to my Head of Department's classroom and man was it educational. I really never knew you could do things the way she did it. She made her kids look smarter than me.

I have a long way to go.

RMIC

2005-10-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I recieved a nice msn message from a brother back from Waterloo. The days of CCF will always be something special I hold dear to. Anyway, so this brother msgs me and says something along the lines of :

"Hey, I passed it on. Now another brother knows about RMIC. We're keeping it alive here"

I had almost forgotten about RMIC. It was something I told a brother when I was in my senior year of university. This was a brother that I saw some fire in. I saw that he was coming to know Christ and that he really resembled some of me during my first 3 years at Waterloo. RMIC for life. Root Motive In Christ. It was something I had challenged him with in all that he did. That he would live by the proper motives in all his relationships with people as he served in Jesus' ministry.

And then to get that msn msg was almost like God telling me about being challenged. Am I happy with the way I'm living?

On that subject, I don't think I have anything original to offer yet. For the longest time I've always thought of my way of living and persuing happiness to come from upholding idealistic beliefs. Somehow, if these idealistic beliefs of God's way and of christian living were broken, then all is to end. I suppose that's why I was so stubborn about that. Funny how a year or two of work can really help your belief systems develop. The more I live life (I'm still too young to use this phrase), the more I find that life isn't really about the ideals. Sure, ideals and goals are important to keep us on track and having the right mind, but does it lead us further? Does it lead us to the heart of God's calling?
In what seems like cynicism, I guess I'm just being more realistic now, but not less idealistic. I think my ideals are shattered by life sometimes, but somehow it shows more of God's grace. It's easy to hide behind these idealistic persuits of God's will and let it become just something that YOU want. Experiencing God isn't really like that...and consequently, experiencing life isn't really like that either. I think sometimes it's just realizing God's presence in your life, instead of being in such strong idealistic persuits of it.

It's hard to know when to move, and when to just sit there to listen and wait. But wisdom comes to those who are humble and seek it. Wisdom has been with Him since the beginning of time. It comes in experience, and also in knowledge. We just have to be willing.

Mr. Big

2005-09-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

Perhaps life has really been too crazy in the past little while. I think my mind can't take reality anymore and is forced to cognitively regress into it's little hole...

so i've been thinking about the past alot. The good old days. The times when I went to KGV here in Hong Kong and how my friends and I would spend our days doing nothing more than play basketball, eat curry fishball rice and look forward to the next EXAM mag to come out. Mong Kok or TST was always a great option, for we had nothing better to do with our time. Weekends were INSANELY spent playing ball for 10 hrs (or so it seemed). I still don't understand that obssession that drove us to wake up at 6am on a saturday to be at Fa Hui and ball till our underwears ripped (mine did). Die hard. I wonder why after doing so much cardio, I was still so fat. Life aint fair sometimes. Then there was music. Too much time was spent, yet so little knowledge obtained. I really wish I took it more seriously, and had more of a goal. It was such a central part to my teenage life, yet I never even gave it a look. I just did it.

perhaps because I'm living in Hong Kong again, it gives me the time to remember these things. Every place I go to gives me a picture, an experience or a time. Frankly, I'm sick of analyzing why things happen sometimes. I haven't stopped believing that things always happen for a reason, but I'm just not going to bother with it.

Hey, just take it naturally right?

the human mind is just like that.

look. it's not what you think...

2005-09-18T22:01:00.000-07:00

'High Fidelity' was always one of the favourites. Cult films are harder to find these days for some reason. sigh. Perhaps it's because my tastes have been exhausted through the years, or perhaps I just have less time.
sad.
In light of this, I've begun to think a little more about my passions as it seems I must in desperate hope of regaining my mind's focus on the joys of life. So here's my little fun list of things I believe to be my passions.

In tribute to ' High Fidelity' , here is my top 10 list of Passions:

1. God.
yes. the given. the go-shoot-for-the-moon. the "gosh let's be more obvious"

But really now, how could I not? God's not superman to me, nor is he batman, spidy or any other of the superheros I adored when I was a child. He's...in one word, MORE. I suppose that makes Him quite the fascinating character. I don't mean to compare God to fantasy characters. But I suppose God has always played that role in my life. He's the one who solves the problems. He's the one who saves the day. But in the last 6 years, I've discovered Him to be more than just that....even more than a chore, a family thing, or a burden stopping me from being what I wanted to be. He's so much more.
Oh yeah.
He's shown me how to live. I love everything about it and the way of living it. But I really think these are the top three things within THIS that takes it for me: a) worship (word, prayer, music) b) service c) missions.
These things have defined the way I live.

2. Family.
geez, am I getting boring already? How predictable I am *grin*

I'd really like to be macho right now and leave this one till later, but I think I'm old enough now to not cry about what other people think about me. I'm unashamed to say that I have a wonderful family and that I appreciate every effort, and every drop of sweat and blood my parents put into developing me into something respectable. They've shown me the drive in life that one should have, and the push for stubborness in what is good. I think love hate relationships with parents goes in EVERY family, and being a chinese kid makes it stranger sometimes. Anybody read Joyluck Club? Something like that. But I think I have cool parents (yeah yeah laugh all you want).

3. Some *special* someone.

It's not that I have a problem in mentioning who you are dear, but you must forgive me. I consider this number 3 spot a bit of a....public display of affection as it is, and I'm not entirely out of perspective that the sole motivation to this journal is for others to read. So I'm not going to gross them out too much =P But indeed, this goes to you, as a tribute to who you are and what you've brought to me. My immense joy is to hang out with you and I'm thankful each day for it because it keeps me sane.

4. Investments

I remember once asking my class of students why people like Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King Jr. are remembered by people so dearly. Seriously, why? They weren't hot. They weren't superstars/models/actors. But why? What made them so different from everybody else? Well, they simply invested. in people. "Tuesday's with Morrie" is another good example of this.
I don't think I'd like to wake up one day when I'm 70 and grey and regret my life because I'm all alone and dying instead of having the joys of people around me. My money will vanish, and my "assests" won't be anything. But if I am remembered by people for the encouragement I have given them in my life, than that is sufficient. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this for the sake of being remembered. But I much rather choose what doesn't perish than what does.

5. Friends

It's hard to find good ones for some reason, but I think I always managed. Being in Highschool, or in University, I've managed to get myself tangled with some true dawgs (excuse the ghetto). Man, the crazy good times in Waterloo with some of these guys never takes away that grin from my face. Those were the days. And now I have some wonderful people here in Hong Kong who show me the true meaning of care and frienship just out of their sheer good hearts. It's hard to believe sometimes that people are willing to invest so much time in you when you're not really worth it. But that's what Friends are about.

6. Music

I've spent so much time with this beauty I consider it a love affair for life. I think it's quite self explanatory for those who know me, and I don't wish to waste time telling you. But it's just crazy how this truest and purest form of art speaks to me. Music has been such a big part of my growth since primary school and it's always been a vocal point (literally) for my expression.

7. Film

In essence, it's like reading a book for some people. The passions behind this one is also unspeakable. unthinkable. I've grown up in it and it represents such a big chunk of who I am. I suppose there's no deeper hobby or passion when it comes to something I like to do on my own. It helps me express my world in myself and it takes my mind to new levels of paradigms and ways of seeing. It's just special.

8. Teaching

Okay, after 7 boring and predictable ones...yeah, hard to believe?

I really do enjoy it. It brings so much meaning and joy to my life to be able to do this and further the development of people and society. I always ask myself if I'd remember my doctor, or my lawyer or would I remember my teacher. I think I'd say teacher hands down. That role just impacts everyone at one point of their lives. Teaching has been hard to get used to, but I must say I believe that I also have a natural for. It's just something I naturally enjoy doing because of it's communicative nature. I'm very able to express myself and to engage those listening. I really want to develop these raw talents and refine them through the years to live up to the potentials that I can be. I WANT to be good at it.

9. Sports

watched it, played it and talked about it pretty much since I was as young as 5. From tennis to basketball, I've always loved the competition behind sports and the finesse/power combination it brings to the table. Sports has taught me so much about effort, about the way of the mind and also about goals. It's always helped. Can't say I've always been successful in it, but doesn't stop me from being a junky. which reminds me, I really need to start moving again...getting fat. Oh well, I guess i'll double the finger push-ups tomorrow *shrug*

10. Gadgets
HAD to include this one in here.

This'll be the end of me some day, but I just can't stop showing it unconditional love! But dude, I've really got to stop. It's just getting bad now. I just bought the ipod nano, but I can't think of what to do with my 30gigs ipod photo. But I just love technology and the sleekness of it. I need to stop changing phones. Sigh. I know I know.

So thus concludes my brief top 10 passions as of late in the last 5 years of my life. Looking at it now makes me think whether or not I'm really introverted. I did a test recently that says I am. Funny how the top 5 things I love ALL have to do with people or something other than myself. I guess I love doing things on my own, but at the end, what is more IMPORTANT? Sitting in my room all day would never compare to being able to touch somebody's life or be apart of it.

out cold.

2005-09-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

what the blood.

For those of you unfamiliar with this term, I learnt it from my ever-so-ghetto-friend from toronto. As I would imagine that he would like his sacred name to be kept a secret over such childish matter, so I will refrain. I promise I'll save it for something REAL big, "@#%#%".

what the blood.

I can't believe they're doing this to me. It's been freakingly hard to grasp my mind around the amount of work I need to do for school this year. Do they treat all second year teachers like this? I personally don't want to rant too much in fear of some colleagues reading this and thus losing hope in the present status of our education system, but I must say that I feel slightly disappointed. I really wish that the school would just even consider the paradigm of hiring MORE EXPERIENCED teachers rather than what they're doing. How could they expect the curriculum to ever stand a chance in the test of time if the people writing it are essentially babys wrapped with little diapers who pee and crap in their pants? They need the real deal...and it absolutely perplexes my ever so fragile mind (only because of this) right now. So I'm beginning to think of the dire need of a serious proposition for.....a raise.

that's right. you heard me.

a raise. It's only fair! At this moment it feels like they work me, and they will work me like A Hard Day's Night. I love the beatles. On my way to work, this song rings in my head as my anthem-battle-song. (sidenote: i actually had to change channels from "hi ho, hi ho, off to work we go"...then I felt dumb)

-"it's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog"-

show me the money.

a glimpse.

2005-09-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

-Panasonic Lumix FZ20

A few pictures of Beijing I took a while back. I'm beginning to really like this photography thing. It brings a new way of seeing. In some ways, I feel like I'm beginning to view my surrounding with a new dimension. It's all quite fascinating, and really quite deep all together. I find it profoundly astonishing for its revelation over my point of view of life. Like my pictures suggest, I don't think I see myself in full perspective.

- Panasonic Lumix FZ20

till next time.

testing testing testing

2005-09-04T00:36:00.000-07:00

testing, testing, 123...

It's been MANY years in the making, but I've finally decided that it's worth it.

Whoa, that's right. It's worth it to start something that I've always found ironic.

I mean, just what the heck is an online journal? I've always been astonished at the idea of taking the word "journal" and putting it together with "online", which synonymously means NOT PRIVATE. Just why do people write journals - A personal record of occurrences, experiences, and reflections kept on a regular basis; a diary (private) - want to do it online, where it's for EVERYBODY to see? I really wouldn't use the word journal, if that is the case.

But what is preposterous is also subjective at times, ironically. I guess I'm just moving more towards being less 'anal'. On the contrary now, I'm finding this little space here quite interesting and fun. It's a little space for ranting, speaking and letting friends know that I'm still... alive.

For those who wonder about the title that I'm using. It's drawn from a wonderful poem by Alexander Pope called 'Eloisa to Abelard'. Ring any bells? I found it rather appropriate since it states my intentions for this blogspot.

It's really going to be fun.

stay awake.